All the Pieces Left of You
by futuregallaghergirl
Summary: Zach leaves his pregnant wife, Cammie, to go on a very dangerous mission. He goes MIA while on the mission. When he finally comes home, he is suffering severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Cammie tries to help Zach see the light in the world again, even if she herself is shrouded in darkness. Has references to United We Spy.
1. MIA

All the Pieces Left of You

**Hi! I'm futuregallaghergirl! You might know me from my other fanfics! But probably not. I got this idea because my dad treats PTSD… just not in spies (darn!) I tried to be original in this, I don't know if there are any stories like this one. Anyway, read and spread the word!**

She sat alone in the chair in the living room, in their house. She looked up at the ceiling, with motion sensors hidden in the blades of the fan. Cammie saw the bulletproof glass in the windows, the heat sensors in the paintings, and the retinal scanner on the lock of the front door. This was their house, hers and Zach's. It was supposed to be the one thing that they had that was untouched by their industry, the demands of their profession. But such a dream was to good to be true. So Cammie waited for the dreaded phone call, one that she knew would come.

Today was the day Zach was mean to come home. That's what the Chief had said, 2 weeks ago. To expect him on this day exactly, March 14. But he wasn't home.

Chief had promised to give her updates, all the clearance she could get. She had hung on to those little bits of information like lifesavers in a sea of unknown, as her husband went out on the most dangerous mission yet, leaving her, pregnant and alone, behind.

_March 1. _"The Operatives have arrived successfully at their destination."

_March 3. _"The Operatives have scanned the area and developed positions."

_March 5. _"The Operatives have been delayed by a new piece of security."

_March 8. _"The Operatives have cleared the perimeter and are ready to acquire info."

_March 9. _"Operative Zach Goode is performing surveillance."

_March 10. _"Operative Goode's location is currently unknown."

_March 10. _"Operative Goode is believed to still be in the area."

_March 12. _"A search team is looking for Operative Goode."

_March 13. _"Operative Goode's location is still unknown, but he is not in the area."

_March 13. _"Operative Goode is believed to have been kidnapped by an unknown organization."

She reviewed the information one last time, even if it was permanently ingrained in her mind. Today the next update would come. "Oh, Zach," Cammie whispered, wishing he was back at the Agency being debriefed by Chief. "Agent Goode!" Chief would scream on his arrival. "Do you have any idea what a scare you've given us? We thought we were about to lose one of our greatest operatives!" But Zach would just smirk his famous smirk at the Chief and cock an eyebrow. "Did you really think _I _was gone? Never to be seen again? Chief, I know you know better. No one would ever think that I was gone. I mean, I'm practically indestructible!" Chief would act a bit flustered for a bit, but then he would get a serious look on his face, shake Zach's hand, and say, "I'm glad you're back, Agent Goode. Now go home to Cammie. She's been calling me every day wanting updates on you."

"ZACH!" Cammie moaned, clutching her stomach where her child writhed around, seeming just as sad as she was. She clutched it harder. 'You have to come home, Zach. You have to come home in a month, see Morgan born! You have to come home!" Cammie slumped in the chair, sliding out of it onto the carpet of the floor. She needed to sleep, to eat, to do something. If anything, she needed to keep Zach's baby alive. She needed to have a legacy left if he didn't come back… But she couldn't stand to think of him never coming back, so instead she floated away on a cloud of semi consciousness, her hand clutching the phone.

She dreamed of the day, two weeks ago, when Zach had received the call from Langley.

_"You know, Cammie," Zach said, "Our baby is due in a month and two weeks. What do you want to name her? I was thinking about carrying on the tradition in your family of naming the child after your maiden name, but if you don't like Morgan, that's fine." Cammie considered this over a bite of her pasta. "Well, Morgan is nice, and I would like to carry on the tradition, but I've never liked how common my name is. I was thinking something more… exotic." Zach grinned at that-not smirked, but actually grinned. "Exotic! You? Well, what were you thinking anyway?" Cammie threw her hands in the air in frustration. "I don't know Zach! Morgan is fine! Sure!" Cammie shoved a few pieces of pasta in her mouth. Zach chuckled at his irritable wife. "So, Morgan is on, then." Cammie gave him The Look. "What? Ok, so Morgan is good. But what about her middle name?" Cammie shrugged. "I don't know. I like the name Catherine." Zach stared at her in utter horror at the suggestion of naming their daughter after his terrible mother. "ZACH NO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! My mother's middle name is Catherine, and I didn't think…" Her voice trailed off. She was just beginning to ask him about another name when Zach's phone rang. He answered it instantly. "Zach Goode," he said, with no preamble. After a bit, he said, "I'll ask Cammie." Before he asked, however, there was some loud shouting on the end of the line. "Okay, okay." Zach said, then pressed End. "Cammie," he began. Cammie quivered in her chair. "Cammie, I have to go on a Category Five mission. I know you don't want me to, but I have to go now." He ran upstairs, and came back down with a small but essential suitcase. "How long?" Cammie asked. "Two weeks." He smiled at her, willing her to not be nervous. "I'll be fine, Cam. I'll be back in time to see Morgan born." And with that, he kissed her and walked out the door, climbing into their agency-issued car and driving away."_

Cammie woke with a start at the sound of the phone ringing. She knew who was going to be on the other end, and what they were going to say. If she didn't answer, they'd just send somebody out here and tell her in person. She might as well accept it now. She picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Cammie breathed, her voice a faint whisper. It shook, too. "Cammie," Chief said on the other end of the line. He sounded like he would rather be doing anything but talking to her. "Zach… He hasn't been found, Cammie. His mission was meant to end yesterday, but he's not back. I'm sorry, Operative Cammie Goode, but Agent Zach Goode is officially missing in action."

"What, Chief, no! My…Zach…" A spear seemed to have punctured my body and I sank down to my knees, barely holding the phone to my ear. Chief was saying something, something about that they still had a search team out, and they'd find him, but she didn't hear anything.

Zach was MIA. Just like her father had been. Out of all the things that could have happened, one of them going missing was what she wanted the least. She didn't want their child growing up, never finding out what had happened to their parent and where they rested. She didn't want anyone to have to experience that terrible feeling, that curiosity and burning desire to know where someone was. It had plagued her every moment since she had found out about her father. It felt like this could be everything all over again.

She wanted to remember. She wanted to remember a girl, one who was young and in love and didn't truly know about the greatness of the world that she had just stumbled in to. She wanted to remember a boy, one with evergreen eyes that sparkled in the light and a smirk that stole your breath away. She wanted to remember them, who were happy simply in each other's presence and never thought that life would get in the way and bring them away from each other. But they were gone.

**Sorry if the name part was too fluffy, I thought you probably needed some fluff to even out the sadness. And it's about to get even sadder real soon. But it'll get happier! Sort of! Maybe! If it works! So yeah, review. Suggestions on Morgan's middle name would be good. I like names that have meaning in the story, but if it's just names you like, that's cool to. If the name has a meaning, please write it. I'll give a shoutout to the name I pick. Go Gallagher Girls!**


	2. A Most Unwanted Surprise

A Most Unwanted Surprise

**I would like to thank all of you guys for the amazingly positive reviews! I hadn't gotten any reviews on my other story until now, and I was starting to be a little bit disheartened! But you are all the nicest people ever, I was literally dancing around my room and laughing at things that weren't funny (awkward). You motivate me to update a lot. Thank you all so much. **

Cammie was tired of how her life was going at the moment. She decided to write a list:

A LIST OF SAD THINGS IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

-I am alone, with only my little baby to keep me company.

-She's kicking me and now my stomach hurts.

-Zach is MIA.

Not the longest list she could think of, but certainly effective. Especially if one greatly outweighed the others on the sadness scale. _That should be a real thing_, Cammie thought. _A scale to measure how sad you are. Like those pain scales in the hospital. _If Cammie was standing on that scale, she just might have broke it. She muffled a sob. "Oh, Zach" she choked. "Oh, Zach. Where are you? Why couldn't you just come home? Find a way?"

A tear welled up in her eye, and despite all her training to hide her emotions, Cammie couldn't keep the tears from spilling out down her cheeks and dripping to the carpeted ground. _Stop being so hormonal, _she told herself. But she knew that the crying wasn't from hormones. It was from your world being crushed. She allowed herself to feel sad for a few minutes. "Okay, Cammie," she declared out loud, trying to motivate herself to get up and do something, "get off the floor." She pushed up onto her feet, having trouble with her swollen stomach, but getting up nonetheless.

"Go up to your bedroom. Then go in the bathroom and clean yourself up. Then go and put on some presentable clothes." She obeyed. As she was washing the tears off of her face, she giggled. A tiny laugh, all that she could muster given her situation, but a still a laugh. "It actually is easier to do what you need to do when you're told," she said thoughtfully.

After she had dressed herself in clothes that would be acceptable to go do some errands in, she went downstairs to make herself breakfast. Even if she was sad, and mourning her husband, she had a child growing inside her that she had to feed. If the child died all because of her foolish sadness, she might never have anything left of Zach. So she ate her food, grabbed some money, and went to the store.

She took off her light jacket when she got back home after buying more food and some clothes for her baby. She put the things away and sat down at the table to call Macey. She needed some advice right now.

"Macey?" Macey picked up. "Ah-ah-ah! Don't talk. I need to say I'm really sorry for you, Cammie. I can't believe that Zach would accept a mission that difficult when you are about to have a baby! I can't believe that he left when you were pregnant at all! But I shouldn't badmouth Zach, I mean…" Macey trailed off when she heard Cammie sniffle. "Macey, I don't know what to do." Macey sighed on the other end of the phone. "Cam, I know that this is really hard. I know. But there's not really anything you can do to save Zach right now."

"I don't want to keep feeling so helpless, Mace!"

"You're not helpless, Cam. You're taking care of his child right now. That's a lot of work. And you're keeping hold of yourself. Because I know you're going to argue, I have one thing that might make you feel better. I'm is flying to Dubai tomorrow to be on the search team for Zach."

"Oh God, thank you so much, Macey. If you find Zach… I will never hate you, no matter what you do. Wait a sec… DUBAI? NO ONE TOLD ME HE WAS IN DUBAI!"

"Oops. Forget I said that, okay? But Cammie, one more thing, because I gotta go: Don't fly to Dubai to try to find Zach yourself. You need to stay home with his baby. Okay?"

"Fine, Macey. Thank you so much. You're the best. Bye Mace."

"Bye Cammie! Don't take this too bad. We'll get Zach soon, he never could hide for long. Be careful." Cammie clicked End.

A knock on the door not a second later startled her. It couldn't be someone telling her Zach was dead! Macey said they were about to send out another team for him! Unless… Unless he had already been found. She walked to the door and, with trembling hands, pulled it open.

If she had been startled by the knock on the door, this was ten times more. "JOSH?!" She exclaimed, totally and utterly surprised by his random appearance. "Wha-what are you doing here?" She didn't try to hide her feelings. "How- how do you know where I live?" At first Josh didn't say anything. He just looked down at her swollen stomach. "How do you know where I live, Josh?" He looked at her like she'd just asked him how he knew that he was alive. "I saw you at the supermarket, shopping. I really needed to talk to you, so I followed you home."

Cammie noticed that he had said "needed", not "wanted". "Josh, did you have to just show up randomly at my door, when I'm going through a lot right now? You could have just talked to me there." Josh did not appear to care. "What are you going through right now? Did someone get you pregnant, Cammie? Wait… Where's Zach?" Cammie backed away from Josh. "Just go away, Josh! Please!" Cammie was panicking. She never should have said that things were hard for her. But instead of going away, Josh grabbed her arm and marched into the house.

**Sorry for the cliffy but I couldn't resist! Also: I'm very, very, very, sorry for what's about to happen. But it's essential to the story!**


	3. Morgan

**The reviews you gave me almost convinced me to not write part of this scene! Almost. I'm sorry, but this is important. Don't worry, it's not graphic at all. ****_I _****wouldn't be able to stand writing it! You know the phrase, "murder your darlings"? Well, you are my darlings, and I'm afraid I have to murder you with this scene. But I kept it short to minimize damage!**

Josh turned around and locked the door. "Cammie, I haven't seen you in so long. Let's talk for a bit," he said cheerily, like he hadn't just shown up at her house and LOCKED THEM IN. He guided her to an armchair. "So, Cammie, how are things?" he asked her, losing the pleasant quality as he went on, getting more serious. He looked past Cammie and to a picture that was hung on the wall. It was a picture of her and Zach's wedding day. Zach was picking Cammie up, kissing her. The picture of them was beautiful, with Zach's groomsmen, Preston, Grant, and Jonas all high-fiving, and Cammie's bridesmaids, Macey, Liz, and Bex, (already showing with her and Grant's little boy) hugging in the background.

"Cammie," Josh practically growled, glaring at her. "Where's Zach?" Cammie struggled to remain calm, clutching her stomach. "He's not here right now, Josh. And I would appreciate it if you weren't either. We can catch up later." She breathes out and stands up. "This isn't a good time now, Josh. I'm sorry." Josh jumps to his feet, invading Cammie's personal space. "Why is he not home with you now? When his wife is about to give birth? Did he leave you, Cammie?"

"No-"

"He freaking left you, didn't he? Found out you were pregnant, but he didn't want your kid. So he left. He's screwing someone else right now isn't he?!" Josh presses into Cammie, walking backwards until she's against the wall. "DID YOU EVEN WANT TO MARRY HIM? HE FORCED YOU, RIGHT? WHY COULDN'T YOU BE MINE?" Cammie hyperventilates, clutching her stomach that holds her unborn daughter. "No Josh! He's just away! On a trip! He's not here!"

She's terrified. She can't say that Zach is missing. She can't say that he is working for the CIA, or that she is, too. This was never supposed to happen. Josh was never supposed to come back.

"Liar," Josh whispers, his quietness more terrifying to her than his yells. "He knocked you up and then left you alone. Well, you shouldn't be carrying the kid of that asshole!" He shoves her to the ground.

Cammie POV

I hit the ground hard on my back. It knocks the wind out of me. Josh looms over me, his face contorted with anger at Zach and Zach's child. Josh reels back his foot and kicks it forward. It lands in my stomach, hitting little Morgan's head. "AH!" I feel like a knife has just been inserted into my gut. He kicks again. I scream even louder, and fluid drips on to the floor. Morgan is dead. Josh has killed my little Morgan. I whimper in the sudden darkness of the house. Josh leans down. I am paralyzed by the bloody pain that goes through my entire body.

I am stuck here, and I can't escape. "GO AWAY!" I scream as loud as I dare. I would try anything, and maneuver I have learned, to get him away. "No," Josh says. "You're alone. _We're alone. _Didn't you know this is what I always wanted, Cammie? I wanted us to be together again. But you left." "I don't want you, Josh! Go away! I went away because I didn't love you, so go!"

To my surprise, all Josh does is remove his shirt. Panicking, I suddenly realize what he's about to do. "No… No… No…" I whimper, trying to move away from this monster driven by lust. He killed my little Morgan. "Please leave me alone," I choke out, tears spilling down my cheeks.

If Josh does this to me, then I will have nothing left of Zach. My body was only Zach's; I was bound to him. But if Josh does this to me, the connection will be severed. I attempt to throw a punch at him, but my stomach aches terribly. He catches my hand and kisses it. Such a gentle thing, for a man who has been- and will be- anything but gentle with me. "Do everything I tell you to do. Scream, and your child won't be the only thing that I hurt." He gets closer to me.

I wish I could have stopped him. But I couldn't. Morgan hurt too much. I hurt too much. And after he was done with me, it hurt even more. "I hope now you know who's really meant for you," he whispered. "Now you can have my child, instead of his." Then he had hurt me one last time, gotten up, and ripped and smashed all the photos of Zach in the house. He came back, punched me hard in the stomach, and left.

I am lying in a puddle of fluid, pain pulsing through my whole being. I need to do something. I drag myself to my phone. Something, anyone, needs to help me. I reach up, wincing in pain over every part of my body Josh hurt, and press the first number.

"May…cey… Help…" I croak, then screaming with sheer pain. "Oh my God, Cammie. What happened?!" I cough, then continue. "J-Josh. He killed… Killed Morg- AHHHH!" I hear ringing. I see black spots. "Cammie? Cammie? CAMMIE?" Macey's voice fades away as darkness overcomes me.

**PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! THIS HAD TO HAPPEN! I know, I know… You're mad. Sorry I didn't update sooner, this was really hard to write. Hard to hurt the ones you love. But it gets better! **

**Should I have Cammie wake up when Macey finds her, or in the hospital, or after both of those? **


	4. Empty

Empty

***Tentatively slides writing across to you with eyes full of shame* *whispers, "I'm sorry I took so long"* *gives you cookies to make up***

**I'd like to thank lilyroselilac123 for inspiring the title.**

"So what do you remember?" The voice is friendly and kind, but the memories it is urging her to bring forth are not. Cammie shudders in the plush chair of the therapist's office before she begins to think. Just like everything else in her life, the therapist she was now seeing, 1 week after Josh had followed her home, was CIA approved. She sighed, and moved on to her other thoughts. "I just wanted to get my mind off Zach." She breathes in deeply. Cammie thinks back to the time after.

She lay on the floor of the living room where Josh Abrams had first come in. The pain coming from her abdomen pulsed through her, threatening to take her into the deep blackness. Spots danced in her vision, and she felt scared. The space around her was soaked in fluid. Streaks of her own blood were on the walls.

"I thought I was going to bleed to death. I thought I was going to die." A raw feeling comes from inside her, choking her in the memory of impending doom. "Okay," the therapist says, "Go on if you can."

Cammie hears a strong ringing in her ears. But above that, she hears the sound of a car approaching. She must stay awake until Macey rescues her. She wants to make sure that she will be rescued and will be able to join the search for her husband when she is better.

"I knew that I had to stay awake to see Macey come."

Flashes of the moment when Macey saw her, found her, and picked her up in her own arms, screaming that the sisterhood would avenge their fallen member, come back to Cammie. She had barely been awake when Macey had come, but she had been determined to speak to her.

"I needed to show Macey that I was strong, that I was brave, that I would stay awake, for Zach. I needed to prove that I would do anything for him. And I needed her to know exactly who had hurt me, and how, and that she had to do something about it, because I probably wouldn't be able to do much for some time."

The therapist gave an encouraging expression. Even if she wasn't smiling, the tiny beam of positivity in her world of sadness and loss help her a little. Cammie brings her legs up to her chest, wincing at the pain. The therapist looks at her. She really looks into her eyes, as if trying to unearth what Cammie once was alive, before all of this went down.

"You went unconscious after this, right?" the therapist says gently. Cammie shrugs, uncertain. Her voice is unsteady as she speaks. "Most of my memories of the day are fuzzy. I don't really know exactly what happened. Some of my other memories are missing, like from the hours before and some of the time when I had just come to this hospital but I was conscious."

"It's all right, that's normal. Your brain wants to block these memories from you because they cause you pain and grief, and they don't want you to have that." Cammie interrupts. "But I want to know what happened. It's not fair that I don't get to know." The therapist sighs deeply. She looks as if there is a war going on inside herself. "Technically, I'm no supposed to tell you what happened that night unless you ask. But you have asked, so I am obligated. You may not actually want to know though."

"Yes, yes, I do." Cammie persisted to say.

"We have gathered information from Macey McHenry and Josh Abrams. Ms. McHenry was the one who told us that Mr. Abrams was responsible for the crimes that you were the victim of." The therapist looked pleadingly at Cammie, willing her not to ask. After a stare down, the therapist submitted and began to speak.

"Macey McHenry received your call at approximately 5:49. She was unclear of your exact message, except that something was definitely wrong. You were screaming help and gasping in pain. On closer listening to the call, it sounds as if you were dragging your body, your breaths were coming fast and in short bursts. She immediately jumped in her car and drove directly to your house. When she got there, it was 6:15 in the evening. The door was open. She entered the door, and she heard heavy breathing and whimpering. She turned in to the living room. You were lying on the floor. You were in a puddle of bodily fluid. On examination of the fluid, it was obvious that you had lost your baby, because some of the liquid had come from you. Traces of DNA from a man were found, proving that you had been raped."

The therapist paused. "Keep going!" Cammie urged. "I already knew this."

"Your stomach was gashed and had multiple dark bruises. There were bite marks on your neck, fingernails indentations on your arms, and bruises in many other places. Three of your ribs were broken, your nose was broken, and you had a black eye. You were in very bad shape. You were barely conscious, but Ms. McHenry managed to get this message from you: that Josh Abrams had followed you home from the supermarket, that he had gotten into your house saying that he wanted to speak with you. That he had first killed your baby by repeatedly kicking you, and then he had raped you."

"After this you reportedly went unconscious, most likely because of all the strain your body had faced. Ms. McHenry knew that you had to get to a hospital or you would die of blood loss. But she knew that not much time had passed since Josh Abrams had left. So she called for backup. Agent Tina Walters was sent over the town to find Josh and to take him into custody. He currently is awaiting trial, and we have interrogated him to help supply information to this story."

Cammie shakes in her seat. The mention if Josh is getting to her. She realizes that for all her spy bravery, she is scared of this man.

"Miss Therapist," she whispers, forgetting the woman's name in her fear. "Will I have to see... Him again?" Her voice quivers.

"Typically, no. You don't have to." Cammie breathes a sigh of relief as the therapist continues.

"When you arrived at the hospital, you immediately went into surgery. Your casts will get off soon. I'd like to say, I'm so sorry about your husband, and your baby. This must be hard to go through alone."

A single tear falls down Cammie's face. "She was a girl," Cammie flatly states. "Her name was going to be Morgan Goode. I hadn't even picked out her middle name yet, but I think I want it to be Angelea. Morgan is a little angel now, just like her names."

The therapist looks down. "How do you feel?" Cammie doesn't even think before answering. "Empty."

_An angel opened the book of life,_

_And wrote down my baby's birth._

_Then she whispered as she closed the book,_

_"Too beautiful for earth."_

_- Author Unknown_


End file.
